Rollercoaster

I'm on a rollercoaster at the present moment and I want to get off. On Thursday, I got a phone call saying that the school board had finally opened the federal class reduction positions. There were 4 I could take so I ran off to drop resumes and actually got to speak to a principal. Now, we're playing the waiting game of the school board actually giving the official word that all certified teachers have been placed and practitioners can be hired. Monday is the absolute last day I will be on this ride. I either get off at student teaching at the elementary school I attended, or having my own classroom at one of two schools.

I've been doing a lot of praying and I have the entire Trinity Baptist older ladies Sunday School class praying for me and I definitely can feel it. I don't pray for things to go one way or the other anymore, I just pray to survive the weekend without a full blown panic attack. I've been doing a lot of sleeping in and I have to also mentally prepare myself for the fact that on Tuesday morning, I could have a class of K, 2nd or 3rd graders looking to me for guidance. Life is not a fairytale but either way I will survive and wherever I end up, will be the place for me.

First Day of School

Today was the first day of school and it wasn't how I imagined it was going to be at all. What I had in my head since January was my freshly decorated classroom full of my students for the year. Sadly, I don't have any students and still don't know if this is going to become a reality for me. I worked tonight at the house of beer and sports and enjoyed my rather large piece of humble pie. I try not to think about it or let it get to me and I know it's not over yet. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be even though I did shed a few tears.

The best way to describe how I feel right now is to imagine walking through a dark house that you know well but it's not your own. You can somewhat make your way around and you kind of know where the light is, but it's just a matter of finding it and turning it on. You may bump a shin on the coffee table or trip over a rug, but when the light comes on it'll all make sense. I'm just waiting for the light to come on.

Faith

I can't help but to feel jealous of the all the teachers who are setting up their classrooms right now or attending an inservice. I have several friends that are complaining about long inservice days when I would give anything to be there with them. It's not over yet, and I don't know what the next few weeks will bring but the uncertainty is killing me. As each day goes by, I loosen up a little and gather a little more faith.

Tonight was an especially hard night at work. Whatever could go wrong went wrong and I had to remind myself to be thankful I have a job at all. I also realized that this is the end of the carefree and reckless days of being a student.

I have a picture on the wall of my living room that says, "faith is not believing that God can-It is knowing that he will". When I was going through the Spring semester, I lived by this picture and it became my mantra. I took it with me in my heart when I taught a lesson or took a Praxis test.

It went with me to a tattoo shop after work with some friends who just decided to get a tattoo on a whim after a stressful shift. I wanted something but I didn't know what.

A little of everything

I know summer is not over yet, but I'm ready for the fall and darker nail colors. I pretty much have to keep my hands dark because of my busted thumb and these are my go to OPI colors. I've finally made peace with their thicker brushes and painting before a bath definitely helps. The colors are: Lincoln Park After Dark, Vodka and Caviar and You Don't Know Jacques. Next on the list to purchase are: I'm Suzi and I'm a Chocoholic (from Fall/Winter Swiss Collection) and Dulce De Leche.


I'm down to the wire with the teaching job situation. I may end up student teaching, which I'm trying to talk myself into a little each day. I'm still slinging drinks at night and the bills are getting paid, so I feel pretty thankful.

I started a reading plan to read the Bible in 90 days. So far, I'm staying about a day ahead of my scheduled readings. I can read at home or on my Blackberry so that makes it much easier to keep track of. It breaks down to about 12 smaller readings a day and my goal is to finish in 45-60 days. I wish I could keep on a blogging schedule and become more involved in this "blog world" but I just can't seem to stick to it plus I'm such a random and all over the place person it just doesn't work.